I don’t have anything interesting to say today. You’re probably thinking one of three things. 1. When do you ever have anything interesting to say, Patrick? You’re mostly awful and annoying. You really should think about coming to terms with that. Do us a favor. Also, stop posting so many Facebook statuses. And just because [...]
Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category
Sour Milk & Other Yumpy Things
April 8, 2012
Boosin Was Here
April 4, 2012
Back in the fall of 2011 I mentioned that god-forsaken Boosin would be writing a post for Eldon. The little panty stain came to Shannon with his unfortunate story so she could help pass it on to me. She’s the only one that understand him over the plume of fish-breath that escapes him each time [...]
Fat Vanessa
April 2, 2012
So I’ve been slightly absent lately. I know this, I know. It’s called school, y’all – learn about it. But mostly it’s called laziness. I’m writing today because something very special is happening and I want everyone everywhere to know about it. I would hope that your current facial expression would be that of someone very [...]
Suso Montouto Tato
April 2, 2012
Robin Williams once said, and please excuse his profanity, “I haven’t seen any spiders in the house for days. What the fuck are they planning?!” It got me thinking. As I woke up to the horrific plume of moldy stank billowing from a glass of week-old milk and a dirty plate accompanying a juicy brown [...]
Caitlins & Emilys
January 16, 2012
I’m not usually so awkward at parties. I promise. One of Jace’s friends was having a belated 21st birthday party, and since I was already with him that day we decided to stop by and see everyone. Thankfully, I’ve been introduced to a good number of his friends at Southwestern, but almost all of them [...]
Banana Sounds & Zelda Tunes
January 11, 2012
I think we all know what I’m talking about when I say “banana sounds”. Don’t we? You know, the disgustingly horrific gushy-wet slop sounds that come from people who never learned to chew with their mouths closed. Where were their parents? Honestly. I’m one of those people, sometimes. Only sometimes, though, so don’t get carried [...]
Moonchild
December 28, 2011
I called Jace “lamb chop” tonight. In a text message. “What are you doing, lamb chop?” was my crime in its entirety. He didn’t respond. I’m going to give both myself as well as you all a chance to run to the bathroom and spew your dinner out all over that shiny porcelain throne of [...]
Frageelee
December 24, 2011
So, I’m sometimes a terrible person and forget that I have readers who actually stop by time-to-time for the scoop on the terribly awkward situations I find myself in. In addition to this, I sometimes like to go oh…I dunno…like two weeks without writing anything. Sorry about that. That’s going to happen sometimes. I know [...]
Everywhere Like Such As
November 29, 2011
Lately I’ve been a little…off track. This means that I’ve been waking up in the middle of the afternoon, getting almost nothing done, and feeling completely pooped by the end of the day. I usually feel pretty bad about treating my days like this, so I made the decision last night to stop being lazy [...]
It’s Taylor Made, La Durr
November 26, 2011
Hello, readers. I recently asked Taylor from It’s Taylor Made to write a guest blog for Awkward Eldon. Mostly because I’m lazy and I’m trying to write more each month. The best way to do that is this, obviously. She, in return, will get (maybe, if she’s lucky) one or two of the ten or [...]
